Nanga bwanji kugwa m'chikondi ndi chidole chachikondi?

Bambo wina wa ku Hong Kong dzina lake Tse Tin Wing ali ndi "bwenzi" yekhayo mtsikanayu si munthu weniweni koma chidole chachikondi chotchedwa MoChi.

Poyankhulana ndi atolankhani, tikhoza kuona kuti adadzipereka yekha kwa chidole chake, osati kungotchula dzina lake, komanso kusonyeza chikondi chake kwa iye, kudya naye, kuonera mafilimu ndi kusewera masewera kwa omwe ali ndi chidwi, onani nkhani zam'mbuyo. Ena amaona kuti uwu ndi ufulu waumwini, pamene ena amamva kuti "akudwala."

Kodi izi ndizovomerezeka? Chimodzi mwazofunikira pakuwunika ngati chochitacho chili choyenera kapena ayi ndikuti mfundo zamakhalidwe abwino ziyenera kugwiritsidwa ntchito m'mbali zonse. Kodi ndizovomerezeka mwamakhalidwe kwa aliyense zidole zachikondi mchikondi? Kapena zingakhale zovomerezeka kuti mnzanuyo azikonda zidole zachikondi? Ndikukhulupirira kuti yankho la mafunso onsewa ndi ayi kwa anthu ambiri. Choyamba, ngati anthu onse amakonda zidole zachikondi, koma chidolecho ndi chinthu chakufa ndipo sichingathe kuberekana, pali vuto ndi malingaliro a kubereka kwa anthu onse. Kumbali ina, chikondi ndi chinthu chokhacho, ngakhale chitakhala chidole. Sindikuganiza kuti wina angafune kuti mnzake azikonda chidole kuposa iye mwini, sichoncho? Zikuwoneka kuti chodabwitsa ichi sichikugwirizana ndi mfundo ya chilengedwe chonse.

Izi sizomwe zingatheke, komabe, chifukwa ziphunzitso zina zingapangitse yankho losiyana. Mwachitsanzo, iwo amene amalimbikitsa munthu payekha ndi ufulu wa ufulu nthawi zambiri amawaweruza ndi "mfundo ya ufulu" ndi "mfundo yosavulaza ena." Malinga ndi mfundo ziwirizi, ziyenera kukhala zovomerezeka kugwa m'chikondi ndi chidole chachikondi. Chifukwa umenewo ndi ufulu waumwini ndipo suvulaza ena. Popeza sizikhudza ena, zochitazo ziyenera kukhala zovomerezeka.

Psychology of controlㅤ Kodi ichi ndi chikhalidwe cha pathological? Anthu ambiri anganene kuti khalidweli ndi "pathological," koma tiyeni tiganizire chifukwa chake timachiwona ngati "matenda." Aliyense ali ndi zokonda zake, si chikondi? N’chifukwa chiyani kuli bwino kutafuna chala koma osati pa chidole chakuthupi?

Ndikhoza kulingalira zifukwa ziwiri za izi. Choyamba, chifukwa chakuti amachitenga chidolecho monga munthu ndipo amachikonda ndi chikondi chofanana ndi cha munthu, monga ngati kuti chinthu chopanda moyo chinali chikondi chobadwa m’thupi. Ngakhale kuti tonsefe timalakalaka chikondi, kukonda m’njira yosagwirizana ndi zenizeni n’kosaloleka.

Chachiwiri, ndi "kuwongolera" komwe kuli pachiwopsezo. Ngakhale kuti sangachite kalikonse, khalidwe lake ndi lakuti mumamulamulira mokwanira. Kuvuta kwa maunansi a anthu kwagona pa kusalamulirika kwawo, pakuti sitingathe kulamulira maganizo ndi zochita za ena, chotero tonsefe tiyenera kukumana ndi kuvulazidwa ndi anthu ena. Kukhala naye popanda kuvulazidwa, ngakhale ngati kumvererako kuli konyenga ndipo samakukondani kwenikweni, kumakhutiritsa chikhumbo chakuya cha mtima wa munthu cha kulamulira.

Koma kodi kudzigwetsera m’chinyengo kupeŵa kuvulazidwa kumathetsadi chenicheni cha vutolo? Zoona zake ndi zankhanza kwambiri, ndipo kukhala ndi anthu ndikuti akhoza kuvulazidwa. Kufunika kwakukulu kwa ulamuliro ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za psychopath, kotero kunena kuti iye ndi "pathological" sikoyenera.

Ziribe kanthu momwe wina amatsutsana ndi khalidwe lawo, sitingakane momwemo chidole chogonana ndi magulu pawokha.